Three things that blow my mind

Click on the pics to see the larger version (if there is one).

The mall

This mall was weird. It wasn’t enough for these people to make a mall the typical way, with just stores and a food court. There was crazy stuff like this all over the walls. And to kick it up a notch, not only did they put random stuff on the walls, but they had to bend it in weird ways and perspective distortions, making you wonder whether or not someone spiked your Chick-fil-A lemonade with acid. If the point of this mall was to get people not to buy stuff, because they have to leave early from the neck cramps they get from gawking at all the weird shit on the wall, then they’ve succeeded brilliantly.

Expensive wine

I’m not talking about wine that goes for $50 or $100 a bottle. I’m specifically referring to this huge bottle of wine I saw at Central Market that’s going for $2000. Yes, that is what the “1,969″ means, it’s definitely dollars. There wasn’t any information about it that I could find. I realize there are expensive wines out there, and obviously a big bottle of expensive wine is going to be proportionally expensive, but then, what’s the point of this big bottle? If you want that much of a certain wine, then here’s a novel idea: Buy multiple bottles of it. Getting stuck with $2k worth of wine seems idiotic, but what do I know, I’m not a wine connoisseur. “I spent $2000 on this bottle of wine” sounds rich and classy. “I spent $2000 on 20 bottles of the same wine” sounds like you need rehab.

Dog bakeries

A dog bakery is a place that takes a 99 cent dog treat, makes it look like a human baked good (that you still can’t eat), and then charges you $10 for it. Why didn’t I tap into this niche market before it became big? I have no idea.

I seriously doubt that anyone who buys from a dog bakery actually owns a dog. If they did, they’d know that dogs don’t care whether or not their food looks like cannoli, because they’re too busy eating it. Also, they eat their own crap, so “gourmet quality” means nothing to a dog.

Unfortunately, this particular dog bakery was closed, so I wasn’t able to go inside. I imagine they have disclaimers all over the place, saying that their products aren’t for human consumption. Otherwise, you’d have people thinking “Hm, the Groovy Dog Bakery, a bakery for dogs. Ohhh, I get it, a bakery for dawgs. I’m pretty cool, like the dog wearing sunglasses on the sign. I should eat here”. And then they complain that their $10 strawberry shortcake tastes like dog food, while the owner confusingly explains that none of their food is supposed to be eaten.